You're NOT a Girl!
by SakuraKiss444
Summary: April 1; their most hated day. What happens when these two unlikely souls meet- and get drunk? Hanataro x Chizuru (Written for squalo king)


**I don't own Bleach **

**You're NOT a Girl? **

**Ship: Chizuru Honshō x Hanataro Yamada**

**Requested by: squalo king**

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"Hey _Orihi~me_…" Chizuru said sweetly, placing her chin on her crush's shoulder. She wrapped her arms around Orihime's waist and smirked.

"Hi Honshō-chan…" Orihime said. Much to Chizuru's surprise, Orihime wasn't trying to pry herself free from her grasp. The amberette looked lovingly into her friend's eyes and kissed her cheek. Chizuru stared at her in awe.

"Wh-what…?" She whispered.

"April Fool's!" Orihime called.

"Now get the hell away from her!" Tatsuki said, appearing suddenly and flicking Chizuru in the forehead. Slowly, she backed away, releasing her grip on her friend's waist. Ichigo and Rukia stood next to Tatsuki, the looks on their faces smothered with disapproval underneath their laughter. Keigo simply stood there with a blank expression on his face. He wasn't sure what was going on, and he wasn't sure he really wanted to know what it was in the first place. Tatsuki grimaced, pushed Keigo out of her way, and dragged Chizuru off a ways away from the rest of the group.

"Why the hell can't you realize that she doesn't like you?!" She said, piercing the other girl with angry eyes. "Just leave her alone!" Chizuru began tearing up.

"FINE!" She screamed. "Fuck this," she was, of course, referring to the movie the group was about to see, "I'm outta here."

April 1; Chizuru's most hated day. Most of the girls at her school would pretend to have crushes on her, flirt with her, even kiss her or slap her ass, only to, after a few minutes, scream the dreaded phrase and leave her by herself, wandering away, usually laughing so hard the couldn't breathe.

_My phone says it's only 6:30_, Chizuru thought, _and my parents told me I didn't have to be home until midnight, so I think I'll just go to a restaurant for a while and then go home. _

Finding a Bar and Grille not too far from where she had been, Chizuru went halfheartedly. Sitting down at the bar, she put up one finger, asking for a glass of anything to drink. The bartender set down a glass full of brown liquid.

"Cuba Libre." He said, squeezing a little bit of lime into the drink. Chizuru stared strangely at it. It looked like a regular Diet Coke. And what was the harm if it was only soda? Taking a large gulp, it was almost immediately discerned that this was _not_ just Diet Coke. This had alcohol in it. This man was giving alcohol to a minor!

But strangely, just as strangely as giving booze to a high school student, Chizuru _liked_ it. She thought it tasted delicious and quickly gulped down about half the drink in a matter of seconds. A couple of seats to her left, someone who only appeared close to her age sat down and was given the same drink by the bartender.

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**~Hours~Earlier~**

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"Aw man, this is the funniest thing we've ever done!"

"Tooooootally. I don't even know how we're gonna top it next year!"

The men laughed to themselves. A third man began lifting the cargo up to the top of the flagpole. The several members of Squad 11 had just spent four and a half hours stringing an unconscious Hanataro Yamada up a flagpole. They chuckled to themselves, admiring their handy work. Hanataro was wearing his Shû Hakku Shô along with a birthday hat. He had streamers all over his body.

An hour later, the Shinigami woke.

"Wh-where am I?!" He screamed, staring down at his body and at the laughing members of the 11th. "LET ME **DOWN**!" One of the men let go of a rope he was holding onto. Hanataro began free falling, screaming all the way. About three inches above the ground, the man gripped the rope again, barely keeping Hanataro from hitting the ground. Hanataro stood, quickly shed the hat and streamers, and ran back to the Fourth's Barracks.

April 1; Hanataro's most hated day. His birthday, nonetheless. Some years, it seemed every other minute someone would pull some stupid prank and scream the dreaded phrase, followed quickly by "Happy Birthday, Yamada-chan!". They would then walk away, usually laughing so hard they couldn't breathe.

The worst, of course, were members of the 11th Company. They relentlessly picked on and bullied him almost all other days of the year, and April Fool's Day, his birthday, was no better, only worse.

"Is something the matter, Yamada-san?" Captain Unohana asked him upon his return to the Barracks. "You've been gone since early this morning; did something happen?" Hanataro shrugged, plopping down on the wooden floor next to his Captain. She was sitting quietly, a cup of warm tea in her hands. She offered to pour him some; he graciously accepted, taking the small clay cup in his hands and beginning his anecdote.

"Some guys from the 11th kidnapped me from my room this morning and strung me up the flagpole near the entrance of the 5th. When I woke up, the let me free-fall to about four inches above the ground, then caught me and let me go.

"On my way back, Captain Kyôraku poured water down my clothes, which is why I'm soaking wet, and Captain Kurotsuchi injected me with this thing that made my arm look like this…" He pulled back his sleeve, showing his coal-black arm. Unohana poked it with a single finger and it began to revert back to it's usual look.

"Captain Kuchiki didn't do anything, but Renji and Rukia made my hair hot pink…" He said, casting his vision upward to exam the pink locks creeping towards his eyes.

"Yamada-san, it's only noon," Captain Unohana said, setting her tea down. "If this happened just in the first few hours of the day, I'm not letting anything worse happen. You should spend the rest of the day in the Human realm."

"No, no, it's fine, I pro-"

"You should spend. The rest of the day. In the Human realm." Unohana repeated with a sweet smile that came off more as terrifying than sweet. The Shinigami gulped, and nodded quickly.

"I… I'll go get m-my Gigai." He said, rushing off to get it.

He returned about five minutes later, carrying the lifeless Gigai over his shoulder. Slipping into it, he flexed his arms and legs, doing the required number of stretches and exercises to make sure nothing went wrong in the Human realm and to get the blood flowing, as Hanataro hadn't been in his Gigai in quite sometime and he didn't want to have a heart attack or a stroke right in the middle of the human world. If something that would be typically fatal to a human happened to his Gigai, he would slip out of it and anyone with the ability to see Hollow and Shinigami alike would probably be horrified and terrified, and at the same time, no one else would notice.

He stepped back, admiring himself. His hair and facial features were as similar to his original self as the 12th could get it; his hair was a bit shorter and his eyes weren't that dark of a brown. Thankfully, the Gigai's hair color didn't switch from the ash black it typically was to the hot pink the Shinigami's hair was now. He was wearing Nike sneakers with white socks underneath them and slightly baggy jeans, held in place with a simple brown belt. His shirt was a plain black t-shirt, covered by a blue, unbuttoned, button-up long sleeve t-shirt with the collar neatly turned down. In his pocket was a wallet, withholding two thousand yen, and his wallet connected to his belt loop with a thin chain. He thought the look didn't suit him, but his Captain assured him it was the best look for the Gigai.

**-:-:-**

Appearing in Karakura Town, Hanataro walked around, weary of the other people, afraid of being pranked again. He looked up at a sign for a Bar and Grille and went inside. He sat down at the bar and asked for whatever the girl a few seats down from him was drinking.

"Cuba Libre." The bartender said, squeezing a bit of lemon into the drink. He took a sip, realized it was alcohol, didn't give a damn, and continued drinking.

Chizuru looked over her shoulder at the person to her left. The person locked eyes with her and stood, moving a couple chairs to sit next to her.

"I'm Chizuru." She said with a smile.

"Hanataro Yamada." The stranger said, extending a friendly hand. Chizuru smiled and took it.

_Hanataro Yamada_, she thought, _what an interesting name for a girl, but a girl's name after all. _

Chizuru talked to the friendly stranger for quite some time, sharing about ten drinks between the two of them.

"Wow," Chizuru said after hearing about the hell faced by the other girl, "That's horrible! And on your birthday?!"

"Yeah, but it's okay. What I'm sorry to hear about is that all the girls at your school pretend to flirt with you! That's so terrible!" Chizuru shrugged. She was happy the stranger was paying this much attention and choosing to discuss her problems over her own.

"Hey Hanataro…" she said, smiling down at her glass, "do you want to get out of here?" The stranger gave her a look and eventually said,

"Yeah; let's." The two of them stood up, paying for their drinks and wandering out into the night.

"This is a pretty cool park," Hanataro said as the pair walked through it. Their fingers were tightly wrapped around each other and Hanataro was getting the growing impression Chizuru thought he was a girl. He sighed to himself, sitting down on a park bench, motioning for Chizuru to sit next to him. Her head was immediately put on his shoulder, and she sighed contently.

"You're awesome," she said, "and funny, and cute. Why can't you go to my school? Why can't you be there to protect me? Even my _own friends_ don't do that!" Hanataro wrapped his fingers around hers, letting the girl smile and sigh contently behind her tears.

Chizuru made her decision. Looking up at the stranger, she wrapped her arms around Hanataro's neck and pressed her lips to hers.

Hanataro stared, wide-eyed, at the girl kissing him.

_It's obvious she thinks I'm a girl_, he thought, _but I guess I can let it slide for now._ He closed his eyes, melting into her kiss.

When Chizuru pulled away, she said,

"You're really great, Hanataro-chan."

"Thanks," Hanataro replied. "But… uh… I guess a more commonly used suffix would be "-kun", to be honest."

"Huh?" Chizuru replied. "But… you're not a boy…"

"No," he replied, "I am." Chizuru's eyes opened wide in a mixture of confusion, horror, happiness, and anger.

"I kissed a… _**boy**_?!" She said out loud, mostly to herself.

"Yeah… yeah you did." Hanataro replied.

"And I… liked it…" Her hands were beginning to shake. Strangely she was still cuddled up to Hanataro's chest, like if she wished hard enough, she could transform him into a girl. Hanataro looked down at her and asked if she was okay.

"No… I don't think I am…" She replied, "I thought… I thought I liked girls! I guess I was so drunk that… that you WERE a girl. To me, at least. And isn't Hanataro a girl's name?"

"Unisex, but go on."

"But… you were the first—"quote unquote"—'girl' that seemed to not care that I liked girls. You didn't stray away, you didn't act any differently. And I loved that. And your lips are so soft, so wonderful. I love that… but… but…"

"Boys aren't your thing. I get it."

"No! Maybe… I like them both! Maybe the RIGHT boys I could like! Because most boys are stupid!" Hanataro chuckled.

"Yeah," he said, "most boys are." Chizuru smiled.

"Do you like me?" She asked.

"Yeah," Hanataro replied after a quick minute of thought. "Yeah, I do." Chizuru smiled.

"Good," she said, "'cause I like you too." She pulled her phone out of her pocket and looked at the time. It was closer to midnight then she'd expected; almost 11:30.

"Do you have to go?" Hanataro asked.

"Yeah…" She said, "My parents are already gonna kill me 'cause of the booze, I shouldn't break curfew and get them even more made at me." She stood up and gave Hanataro her phone number.

"Call me some time, k?" She said.

Hanataro smiled. "K." He replied. "May I walk you home?" He asked, holding out a hand. Chizuru happily took it.

"You may."

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